I Should Start Appreciate Myself, I Guess

I often hear much appreciation from my friends, such as “you did great,” “you did the right thing,” “you’ve tried your best,” etc. Somehow, I just shrugged them off, but now it feels different. Right now, it feels so real.

For context, I will put some music so you can understand better what I am telling you.

For better comprehension, I just decided to put an end to my own obsession. An ideal love that was almost unconditional, only to understand each other. It might sound terrible but bear with me. It is exciting, at least for me.

To push the stop button on something you really like, was hard. You may have experienced this before as well. You know how shitty everything can be. Fortunately, I don’t regret my choice at all. Still, the make-believe, the endless scenario hasn’t ended yet, and some part of me wants to put everything on hope.

Regardless, when things don’t mean to be, they won’t materialize into something you hoped for. No matter how hard you’ve tried. Even though everything was perfect in your head already.

Despite the turbulence I am experiencing, I am glad I learned valuable things. I learned about myself and people’s characteristics better now. I am surprised I wanted to go the extra mile to show my feelings. Articulate them in a way your favorite idol sings to you. I often push my chances. If not, I created my own chances. My own luck, which is very strange to me.

The funny part is that I acknowledged myself as a human. I can be vulnerable too, for myself and others. I can open myself to all sorts of emotions and feelings. Even though I might get hurt. I know how to communicate better. Not only to express what I want but also to listen better. To give people a chance to explain themselves. I learned to compromise.

If you know me, all of the things that I said weren’t my known qualities. I was so full of myself and often hurt people who were close to and loved me. Nevertheless, if this is my path to redemption, I will gladly walk through it. Because of them, I know how to appreciate myself better now. I hope that you can feel that I try to appreciate you as well.