Letter #105

Hi, how have you been lately? I heard you’ve been doing well, with people taking good care of you. That’s lovely, no?

I’ve been reading your past letters every night and then, and I’ve wanted to write to you more often, but my thoughts insisted me not to. However, I caved in anyway.

You see, I’ve been in deep trouble for a long time. No, it’s not that I don’t want to tell you the details. I just wanted to keep you out of trouble. I’m afraid that you’d try to fix the mistakes I’ve made, but they’re irreparable. I’m beyond help, and you don’t need to try.

I’m writing this to tell you something about myself. Sometimes, I just need someone to listen. I know you will, but what difference does it make now? I’m not half the person I used to be, so I think it’s inevitable that you may want to get far away from me. However, my thoughts are not representative of you.

Oh, I’ve missed you so much, but there’s nothing I can do. I can’t even pick myself up these days. I’m walking in automation. I have nowhere to go, only a treacherous, dead-straight line until I reach the bottom and taste the poison I’ve created along the way.

You don’t need to mind me at all; it’s not a good idea. You should walk the path you choose and keep moving forward. I was never there, never by your side. I’m just a ghost soon to be forgotten.

Nevertheless, since you have some recollections of me, I bid you adieu and wish you a wonderful life.

I am,

Forever yours.